Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize