im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize