I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
