So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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