im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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