Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
