carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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