I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
