We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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