Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
