Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
