Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
