That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Can I color on your dick again?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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