Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
