i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
