She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
