i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
