I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize