Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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