I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize