Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
