census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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