Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
