what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
