Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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