I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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