Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
