At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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