you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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