One girl and one boy is just not enough.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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