I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
