Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
