Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he was CRYING into my vagina
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
