Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I want is dick and wine.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
