I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
