Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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