Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
