I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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