We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
