I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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