is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you had me at cake vodka
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
