I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
