I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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