oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
