i permit you to call me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
