In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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