I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
