Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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