GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
