Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
