fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
