I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
