OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
