that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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