he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
