he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
