remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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