I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
