Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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