Tell her she can't have a vagina
high people should be assigned attendants
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize