If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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