haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
