I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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