I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize