My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
