why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
