Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
