WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
